This week’s article is all over the place, but welcome to my brain!
I had a pretty bleak Monday last week.
I had struggled a bit writing last week’s post, so I can’t say Saturday was great, but Sunday had been simply lovely. Can I not have two amazing days in a row?
Bleak is not even as dreary of a word that could describe what I was feeling.
It was nothingness…and I did not like it. I felt uninspired, but also like I would never be inspired again. Not like I was suicidal, but that I had no interest in living life in such a state of nothingness.
If this is how every day felt, I’d rather not be here for it. Hello, mothership? Can you come get me?
Yet, for the life of me, I could not change it. Of course, I was too gloomy to go sit on the cement and let the dead chi drain from my body. I was too blah to sit up straight and meditate. I didn’t feel like tapping (for emotional freedom). No, I will just lay here and rot in my bed.
Was I sad for the world? I had no real reason to feel hopeless. I have a lot of options, regardless of if I’m not all that thrilled about many of them. There are people in the world who don’t know if they or those they love will survive the night. Who don’t know where their loved ones are, or worse, in some cases they know the hell they are living in or the hell they experienced before dying.
There are moms probably in my very own neighborhood that don’t know if they will be able to provide food, clothes, medicine, housing, or moral support to their children, while they themselves are hanging by a thread.
I could have very well been feeling a collective gloom. But even if that was the case, my preference would be to do something about it rather than succumb to the darkness.
There was not a shred of hope I could find out in the ethers to grab on to.
If I had a million dollars to spend, I would have still not been able to drum up the enthusiasm to go put something in motion with it (though if that had been dropped in my bank account, I surely hope I would have been more inspired to try).
I don’t like this crazy making bullshit.
I saw a random Facebook reel pop up in my feed (apparently I had enough energy to scroll) with Jim Carey talking about depression. Was I depressed? He said that depression was your body’s way of telling you that you needed to De-press-ur-ize. I was feeling pressure. Pressure to finish my book so I could get on with the next phase of my life. But I spent many hours sitting in front of the computer, trying to force it, but words just weren’t coming.
Sometimes when we are at the peak of pressure, it seems like something is going to blow, but I rarely stop to try to release some pressure, instead I try to push through. That usually doesn’t work. What seems to be ideal, is if I truly find times to regularly replenish myself, long before I feel any signs of pressure, because by the time the pressure creeps in, it’s almost too late to truly enjoy anything. If I have no joie de vivre to even open my toolbox, it renders the tools rather useless.
Tuesday was a much, much better day and I have to say I was a bit mesmerized by it being so.
Like a black cloud had shifted away from hovering over me and I could see the sun again.
Yeah, blah, blah, you have to see the dark to see the light, blah, blah.
No.
I really want to see the sun every day, even in the darkness.
Later in the week, I reflected back to Monday. It was much nicer experiencing Monday in hindsight vs. experiencing it the first time through. I thought about how I had felt like an astronaut slowly drifting around space after becoming untethered from the space shuttle. I imagined I had a lasso in my hand but couldn’t find anything suitable to lasso. Anything that might allow me to pull myself back with seemed impossibly out of reach. Why bother?
This made me think of the many things I have accomplished in the past. What was different about those times? Was it that my goals had been more specific? I had my eye on a prize, and I was going for it. It was tangible. No real gray areas. I wanted to get from point A to point B. It was also usually feasible. If I do X and Y, and Z should be the logical result. I typically didn’t attempt things I didn’t know I could accomplish.
I thought about the book I am writing and pondered why is it taking me soooooo long to get it done. It isn’t like I don’t think I can get it done. Of course, I don’t know how it will be received in the world. Will it help people?
I started to think it perhaps, in this case, it isn’t me as much as it just isn’t quite yet the book’s time. That while I need to keep moving forward, not to worry that I’m at risk of missing the boat. That thought actually did “de-pressurize me some. That I still want the shitty first draft to be done, but that time is not of the essence in regard to when it actually hits the shelves. That which I write about in the book is just starting to get ruffled up in the feathers of women. I am not an activist leading the way. The ideas I’m presenting are even still landing in my own mind, and falling into place among the stories that led me to where I am today.
The book is not my end all/be all either. It is just a thing I feel I’m supposed to do, that somehow has something to do with my future, but maybe I needed to look more closely at how I’d feel living in that future, rather than hanging everything on I have to do this first in order to have that.
Perhaps the things could happen simultaneously rather than someday, oneday.
I started to imagine what my perfect living situation would look like. What about it had me feel particularly secure there? What would be happening in the community at large that contributed to that feeling of security? Freedom is something that has always rung loud for me, for never has there been a time I’ve been truly free of the constraints of the way I thought things were “supposed to be”.
I’ve loved every single place I have ever lived. In most cases, when I first moved into each house, I imagined I would never leave. Why would I? They were always a project that I loved every minute of working on. I had a vision from the moment I laid eyes on it, and while I was especially excited for the end result, I enjoyed the process of completing whatever there was to be done.
Eventually, though, I would feel a calling in my soul. I would know change was coming. It would sneak up on me out of the blue. One day I was perfectly content, and the next I’d be thinking about what was next, as though the energy of what brought me to the current house had been used up.
Eventually I would know it was time to put out feelers. At just the right time, I would start to drive around physically to where I “felt” I was supposed to be, but also I “drove” around in my mind…contemplating this or that…envisioning what things I wanted the house and neighborhood to include. Before I knew it, the perfect home would appear on the horizon and everything else would fall easily into place.
If I tried to bring more specifics on a house into my consciousness before it was time, there would be nothing. Trying to sell my current house would have been futile. Trying to find a house I would love as much would have been futile. It wasn’t yet time. It was confusing at times, until I got the hang of it.
On Monday it was as though I was starting to feel the unrest of change, but trying to lasso onto something specific that wasn’t quite ready to be lassoed.
I pondered the prayer from Fr. Richard Rohr, drawing on Psalm 46:10 from Hebrew Scripture:
Be Still and Know that I am God
Be Still and Know that I am
Be Still and Know
Be Still
Be
There is a plan.
I refuse to believe darkness will win. Stop striving. Allow whatever is to come into existence to come. That which is light will be exalted.
It was as though I had awakened from a slumber. This has happened to me enough times that one would think it would help me to know light will come again, but each and every time, I doubt. Had something in the world changed? Had something become possible that hadn’t been before? Had we crossed an energetic bridge? How could Tuesday bring such a different frame of mind from Monday?
Why could I feel nothing the day before, just an overcast gray fog, yet today felt like it had all the energy of new day with a rainbow to chase in the distance?
I mean, I was grateful to be here for sure, but WTF?!
What was truly interesting to me is that I felt so much wiser for it. Wiser actually isn’t even the right word. Evolved? Enlightened? Rehabilitated? Calibrated? Hmmm. Yes. Calibrated, I believe is the word. When I first typed that last “word” I accidentally (or not) typed “world”. Did something get calibrated throughout the world? Had I just been on “pause” to allow for that to happen? Had I helped alchemize some gloom in the world by not resisting it and not trying to fix it away (even if I couldn’t have done so had I tried). By just being still with it, like so many people throughout the world possibly have no other choice but to do?
Certainly, the idea that giving into the dark days has a higher purpose feels a lot better to me than feeling helpless. In the room where I am writing, my cousin has a lot of oracle card decks. One in particular kept catching my eye today, which rarely happens, but when it does I assume it has a message for me. I shuffled the cards of the “Wisdom of the Everyday Witch Oracle” and pulled this one:
How apropos. I felt there was some part of what I had experienced in having allowed myself to just be, without worrying about there being nothing to grasp for, that had somehow helped somebody, somewhere, heal. As though I was curled up in stillness for the sake of stillness. I opened the accompanying book of longer messages and scanned through the words, at first thinking nothing was really resonating, until…
“If your heart is doing just fine (and to be honest, while I felt despondent, my heart didn’t ache), perhaps this card is an indication that you can do something to help someone whose heart is filled with sorrow. Look around you, and if you see someone who is dealing with heartbreak, reach out and offer a hug or a shoulder to lean on or just an ear to listen.”
And, I’ll add, maybe…if you aren’t out and about to see another (because no way was I leaving the house that day)… perhaps you just be still, periodt!
Tuesday was a day of high productivity. Everything made so much sense, and I saw the multi-faceted perspectives of anything that crossed my mind. I did, in fact, feel as though I had a stronger foundation AND an appreciation that the sun always eventually comes back out. Even a forest fire clears the way for new, essential growth. I started to do an outline of what I wanted to write about this week, because I wasn’t going to take a chance I’d still be riding high by Saturday when I normally write. God forbid I find myself curled back up in the fetal position.
Wednesday was pretty good, as well…still writing. A friend called me and left a message. She said she had a couple questions and hopefully some guidance. I thought “hopefully you mean you have some guidance for me, because I’m not so sure I’ve got anything to give”. I was in the middle of a couple things, so I made sure she was ok (she was) and we agreed to talk the next morning. I hadn’t talked to her in months, and I was looking forward to connecting.
We talked for 3 hours straight. Such good heart medicine for us both.
One of her adult children is struggling so much right now. I swear, there is nothing worse than seeing your child of any age struggling. We talked about things that could help, but mostly I knew it was helpful for her to talk with someone who could listen and not just advise, but also feel the bigger essence of the problem, which she has often done for me, as well. It isn’t always the obvious.
This young man appears to have a lot of self-confidence. If you were to meet him, you would not likely not suspect he is struggling. But I’m all too familiar with having a lot of self-confidence on the outside and a crippling lack of self-worth underneath the mask. Actually, that describes not only myself, but a lot of my tribe.
Through our conversation I felt more than ever the importance of developing our self-worth, which inevitably includes shedding some of the things that we hang onto to reflect our self-confidence/quasi self-worth. Taking off the mask and exposing what is underneath. The mask can consist of so many material things, and perhaps people and places too. What really isn’t serving you, but without it, you feel too exposed to the judgement of others?
In his case, he has a house that he can’t afford to live in. However, he thinks without it, people will think he is a failure. He has several really financially wise options, but he has attached a large part of his worth to the belief he has to be able to prove he can afford to live there on his own. That is leading him to make some choices that are wreaking havoc in his life.
I want people to be able to have these kinds of conversations. Of course, that isn’t going to happen for everyone, and I honestly don’t think it’s supposed to. However, it is the ability to be vulnerable (with those worthy of our vulnerability) that will be the separation of the wheat from the chafe. Heaven or hell on earth. Pick a side and strive for it, or you will fall to one or the other organically.
During our conversation, my friend mentioned a couple different times, things she has heard “Bashar” say. She always remembers everything she ever hears. Every author. Every doctor. Every speaker. Every quote. Every name of a program or a place or a book.
I feel like I remember very little consciously, though the essence of it is somewhere floating around for when I need to remember it, with a little help from Google.
I didn’t ask her who “Bashar” was because whomever she is talking about in a conversation, she does it in a way as though everyone knows who that is, so there is no explanation needed. I could easily add another hour to our conversations if I asked her to tell me more about every single person she mentions. After we got off the phone, I kept thinking of one thing in particular that she had said “Bashar” had said, so I knew it was important for me to give some extra thought to:
“Eventually we will all vibrate at different levels, and we won’t even see others who are in other vibrations”.
Bashar is a spiritual entity who claims to be a quasi-physical future human from the fifth dimension, channeled by Darryl Anka. His teachings revolve around the idea of the spiritual and technological uplifting of humanity.
I did find him somewhat intriguing. I found a YouTube interview and listened while I cleaned 7” or so of snow off my car and sidewalk Friday. I’m not so sure I’d look for any more interviews, but one thing he said that did hit home was that the first objective the intergalactic federation says we need to do is to stop our swirling in conspiracy theories. It isn’t that some of them aren’t true, at least in part, but all of them are mixed with untruths and exaggerations, in some cases, to make those that are true look untrue. The bottom line is, the truth is not findable and regardless of which agendas serve you most, none of them are going to lead to heaven on earth for YOU.
What I know is that those that get sucked in to either side of conspiracy theories, are already experiencing hell on earth while they swim in the soup of them, lowering their vibration to misery even at the thought of loss.
I have a friend who really started to get into conspiracy theories in 2013. At first I was really annoyed, but I watched a few videos and listened to some of his explanations, and my heart sunk. I knew likely at least some of them were true. However, even then I wasn’t interested in my energy spiraling into the abyss of lack. I said I don’t care if these things are true, what I prefer is to know how to operate above the radar of that vibration.
Even 11 years later, I notice that people who are outraged on either side are most concerned about how it affects them. Forget about humanity as a whole. Sigh.
Anyway, as the week progressed, as always happens (and I always forget it will when I’m in the deepest depths of my despair) things started to show up to support me in whatever ways I need supporting, when my focus is on how do I rise up? How do I move forward in my consciousness? Show me the way!!
I got an email with information on a mini course by Kristen Kieffer (whom I once did an amazing course to learn some writing software called Scrivener). The course is called “Kindling Creative Momentum” and in it she will be teaching how to approach creative endeavors/writing from another place than the typical productivity goals that often eventually trigger self-doubt. Well, if that isn’t precisely the wave I continuously find myself washed ashore by! While reading the course description, I felt as though she could have developed the course just for me, but it’s not just for writers.
The course launches March 28 and is currently available to register in for a significantly discounted price of $47 which I love, since I swear I run across so many courses that are just flat out unaffordable at the moment.
Through reading the course description I felt as though she could have developed the course just for me. The points below that are in bold type are from Kristen’s email. For instance:
Nothing undermines your creative momentum like lofty self-expectations.
RIGHT??
Did you know that autistic brains (AuDHD) process 42% more information at rest than neurotypical brains? Suddenly, the fact that my energy never seemed to go as far as others’ made sense!
I don’t know much about this AuDHD, but I have considered in the past that my brain doesn’t consistently perform in the manner I expect it should. Some of you may know that 17 years ago, I embarked on a deep dive into recovery methods to help one of my daughters who had sensory processing issues and was diagnosed on the spectrum. I had no doubt these efforts changed the trajectory of her life, but also, throughout the rest of her life, I noticed things that were consistent in how I operate week to week, that were even consistent with the way my mother did. Were some things hereditary? Regardless of any specific diagnosis, I was certain after reading this, that I absolutely do have thee most incredible insights when I am not working or even trying to work, but when it comes time for me to write about them or put them into action, it all sort of falls apart and suddenly I’m struggling to stay the course.
For years, I thought myself lazy because I couldn’t keep up with neurotypical standards I set for myself. Now, I’m learning how to untangle my internalized ableism and better partner with my brain no matter its energetic capacity.
OMG, I could see this. Even in accounting, which is such logical work, there are times where I am able to easily go, go, go and other times where I think I will shrivel up and die if I have to do accounting work. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to it. Early on in my career, I thought maybe I just wasn’t cut out for accounting work. Not smart enough. Not able to sit at a desk long enough. But through the years, I actually realized I am an amazing accountant. I do have a mind that learned, retained and can perform even the most complex constructs of accounting. But I’m also not always in the mood to use that part of my brain. But what to do about it?? Usually, I would just suffer at my desk until eventually because something had to be done by X time, I would whip it out in no time at all, ultimately averaging out to the expected amount of time to do said task. I used to wish I could have just gotten that done that quick in the first place, so I could have enjoyed the remaining time, rather than suffering first and getting it done last.
I’m experiencing a similar thing in writing. I’ve tried every trick I could think of to just get my book done. No one can do it for me. The story is in me. Even if I were to work with a ghost writer, I’d run into the same thing. Sometimes I’m in the mood and sometimes I’m not. But is there any rhyme or reason to it? I’ve tried to write first thing every morning for an hour. I’ve tried to write every Wednesday because Wednesday’s are apparently ruled by Mercury and Mercury is the planet of communication. Sometimes I’m on a roll and I write for 8 hours straight, but I’ve also noticed that when I do that, I sometimes need a huge a rebound time afterward. Would I have been better off to force myself to take breaks in that 8 hours, rather than have stopped when I felt burnt out and sick to death of the story?
I set out to write my blog on Saturdays so I can post for Sunday mornings, and even though I may know exactly what I want to at least start out writing about, sometimes it goes smooth and other times I can literally spend the entire day and night, into the wee hours of the next morning, to ultimately get it done. Sometimes I love the whole process, and sometimes I hate much of it. Yet, it is exactly what I want to be doing, so why won’t my brain cooperate???
I do suspect (please GOD) that the course is going to be full of valuable insights.
In case anyone else is interested, you can find more info at: https://www.kristenkieffer.co/momentum
Another email I got in my email box was DailyOM Inspiration, which I may very well get every day (hence the daily) but for which barely registers on my radar before I delete it. But today’s subject line was “Getting Unstuck”.
This email also included a mini-course offering of the teachings of American Buddhist nun Pema Chodron. A lot of people love her, but I’m not a huge fan only because she is so peaceful that my brain going a million miles a minute has a hard time being present long enough to hear what she is saying. I think my nervous system is far too fried from spending most of my life in survival mode, that unless I have no choice but to sit in a cave for a month, I’m probably not going to slow down enough to hear what she is saying. I understand the benefits of finding stillness, but I’m going to have to get there through some non-traditional methods. But I did at least read the topics that would be covered in the course, and I got inspiration even in that.
Sometimes all you can do is all you can do.
Pema Chodron speaks on living the Tibetan teachings of shenpa, which describes the quality of getting “hooked” and practices for getting “unhooked… to interrupt the ways in which humans get hooked in habitual ways of seeing the world, but how we respond to these situations largely determines how much freedom and peace we experience in our lives.
100% I believe it is true that what hooks us is our personal experience of hell.
I observe some people getting hooked far more often than others.
Just like some think the world is out to get them feels 100% true to many, it is equally possible to believe it is 100% true the universe is working in our favor, maybe not in terms of what we want, but certainly in the ways we need, whether it be to stay alive, but especially in opportunities to evolve the ways in which we think…and it will keep giving us such opportunities to finally get it… or not.
I look at life on earth of a purgatory of sorts. Are you going to evolve or not? No? stay in hell a little longer then. See how that goes for you. Are you ready to move on to heaven? Yes? Well, what would you like to do for greater humanity to earn your place there?
Not that it is like the jumping through hoops like you had to do to fit into society, but because your vibration is going to have to change to be living amongst those of that heavenly vibration.
Something along the lines of the joy is in the giving. And I don’t mean picking up some barely conscious item to give to another because you feel obligated to give someone something.
But what can you give of yourself that costs absolutely nothing at all? A smile? A nod? A look of compassion directly into the eyes of another? Instead of a judgement, a silent prayer that one finds his/her way?
What if “being” was the only way to change your vibration? And I don’t mean being racist, sexist or classist. But rather, being peaceful, trusting, and knowing (that light will prevail).
Another thing Pima’s course is said to offer is ways to unravel patterns of self-denigration. Thankfully, I’m finally at a point of knowing I’ve often been self-denigrating in the past, and that not only is not serving me, it also isn’t true.
Someone once told me, after she had been verbally berating herself to a coach, the coach said “Hey, stop being mean to my friend”.
But seriously, we have to be our own very best friend, and would you ever talk that way to your very best friend?
I may still be finding my way, but I no longer believe my ups and downs are because I’m not worthy… now to find a way to work with my soul rather than trying to bully it to do things the way I think we should be doing them (which isn’t working the way it once did when my soul was allowing us to do things my more cerebral way, anyway).
Two other things that caught my eye about her course, were:
· How staying in discomfort can help us uncover our innate wisdom and confidence
· The dynamic, fluid nature of groundlessness and how it can help transform your habits, addictions, and behaviors.
I found it interesting that these really spoke to me in regard to what I had experienced in the past week. I did emerge from my cocoon of dread with a lot of insights that literally popped right into my head without me having had to do anything at all. AND, getting these couple emails (among 1000 others that I ignored, yet following an internal urge to open these 2) were affirmations that I, in fact, had to slow down and tune into something deeper, rather than condemning myself as lackadaisical or incapable of staying the course.
Another thing I thought of is the quote by Einstein (or frankly, probably his wife said it and he took credit for it) “No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it”. In my case, fear? Surely that is the level from which I consciously created most of what I thought would help me both survive and thrive throughout much of my life. Fear of not being good enough? Fear of being abandoned? Fear of not being able to provide? Fear of being uncomfortable? Regardless of why, fear cannot be the place I operate from this time around.
Me and my new cute little swinging happy face plant pot! I know that this is random, but it’s just an example of how the smallest of things can bring us joy…and I know it might be good to have a small break from my meandering.
What is healing?
I think of it as shedding light on what is burrowed deep in our subconscious minds so that it can rise up into our conscious minds.
Examining why we do what we do, or perhaps more so, what glitch happened that had us start operating the way we did, for the purpose of being able to delete it from interfering with operating system going forward. Defragmenting.
We came to conclusions about ourselves, and in order to not feel pain, we subconsciously decided a new way to be to avoid the pain. Early on I would have breakthroughs and think I was all cleaned up now, but then I’d realize something new was about to bubble up.
I’ve heard healing is like peeling layers of an onion. You get through one layer and feel ready to take on the world, and the next layer starts to shrivel up revealing itself as ready to be sloughed off. We put on various levels of armor as various things in life happened.
A google search came up with this definition:
“Consciousness is the state of being awake to ourselves, to our world, and the people we affect.”
What are new ways of being that would have us rise up to a new consciousness? Because we’ve been spiraling the old ways of doing for 100s of years and I’ve heard the definition of insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
That got me thinking about what I really want to be doing with my life. Writing is definitely one of those things. Completing my book is one of those things, but why is that? What do I hope completing my book will provide to the world. It isn’t just to share my story as though it is any better or worse than anyone else’s stories.
However, I think I have a unique understanding in what I experienced (after the fact) and since then, an understanding of what I believe would have alleviated my having to have experienced those things in the first place.
Of course, from a spiritual perspective, I believe I had to experience those things to be able to write about them for the greater good. The poison is the medicine.
Not so much “I could’ve, should’ve, would’ve”, but more if I could help create those things being in place for women now and in the future…in terms of both sharing new ways of thinking about things, as well as helping to construct tangible means of escaping the societal programing… the next generation(s) won’t be apt to repeat history.
I was reading an excerpt from the book “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” by Lindsay C. Gibson. I know both my ex-husband and I both came from families with emotionally immature parents, and low self-worth issues as a result, kept us emotionally immature on the inside, focused instead on doing things outside of us to compensate and hide what we felt on the inside.
As a result of my childhood experiences, I became a driven parent staying busy trying to perfect everything and everyone. My ex became the passive parent who avoided dealing with anything upsetting. Most people’s parenting styles are the result of trying to be completely different from the parents they were raised by, yet is often still some version of dysfunctional.
My mom toggled between being a passive parent, but at peak times of stress, was an emotional parent who instilled feelings of instability and anxiety. My dad was a rejecting parent, withdrawn, dismissive and derogatory.
I defaulted to being a rejecting parent, explosive on the occasions I wasn’t able to keep everything “perfect” for everyone, even at the sacrifice of myself. Having given too much of myself already, there was nothing left to give in times of peak stress, and I became resentful until I could pull myself together again, which didn’t take long, but certainly resulted in damages, nonetheless.
At peak times of stress, my ex became equally rejecting, but in a more passive, anxiety instilling way. As a result of our own emotional monitoring as children, our children became emotional monitors as well, in their own different from one another, ways.
When people lose the material things that were acquired to prove they are “somebody”, they are forced to look at the person underneath the things. In so many cases, the things were just protective armor. Of course it isn’t necessary to lose the things, to have the insights, but I’m not so sure I’d have ever looked deeper if I hadn’t.
Shy of a spiritual big bang where people suddenly wake up to what is necessary to shift consciousness on a level big enough for people to start contributing to real change (rather than just judging what is or isn’t being done from the comfort of their armchairs), I think it will take a leveling of material things for people to get down into the real nitty gritty.
While this stuff could be processed until the cows come home, I think my time would be far better spent in solving this from a different level of consciousness than from fear that my daughters might not have to have the courage to process this differently and from a younger age, than I did. But will they? Do as I say and not as I did? Unfortunately, that’s not really the way it works. Regardless of how we imagine we will be as parents, our childhood trauma leaks through in the worst of times.
If anything, the world is in a far more stressed state when I was their age, but also, I feel like there is far more information available on this now than there ever has been. I also think from a planetary perspective…it is TIME for such evolution. If I’d have known better, I would’ve done better. I got a little caught up in giving my children that which I didn’t have, and a big part of the driver of that is that I wanted them to feel better about themselves than I had. However, it wasn’t until recently that I got all the way down into the roots of what that was about for me, and they are now 19 & 21, so I sure won’t quit sharing with them what I am learning. In fact, I want to shout it out from the rooftop!
So that got me to thinking more and more about how I’d like to see the world. What things could be in place to have us operate in more of a village capacity, then behind the walls of single households, often lacking the support we need and hiding the abuse we don’t?
I also don’t want to live in a community of emotionally damaged adults who aren’t doing anything to shift their consciousness.
Never in a million years did I think I would lose my shit on my children in times of stress.
But I’m learning to work with my nervous system and ride the wave of however I’m feeling, and alter how I feel to do what I want to do at times the latter is necessary.
I’ve been lucky to have gotten to be in control of my work hours in many situations, so I’ve gotten to experience how much gets done when I’m naturally in work mode vs. resisting or forcing my way through. It’s awesome to be able to work when you are in work mode and rest when in rest mode rather than have to work no matter how you feel. To be able to adjust and shift as necessary. And for others to be able to trust that you will do so. And most importantly, for ourselves to be able to trust we will be able to do so. It’s a new skill to be learned for most of us, working without forced parameters. But also because we experienced being able to do so for a time, it’s hard to go back to them being in place. I believe we were given a glimpse as to whats possible in a new dimension…of peace…of heaven on earth.
Even though there were many stressful things about the lockdown of not so long before, it had many people tap into what it was like to not have to live the everyday chaos they were living prior. It shifted our consciousnesses in many ways.
I also see how many traditional businesses couldn’t (currently) be able to rely on employees showing up this way, but I’m also seeing how employees are opting out of working for places that don’t pay enough for it to be worthwhile for them to work through not feeling like it. I hear it said a lot that young people today aren’t willing to work, but I don’t think that’s it at all. They just aren’t willing to sacrifice their life force energy for someone paying them so little, while the people paying them (in some cases) earn so much that they are able to forego having to spend their lifeforce energy on things they don’t want to do. It isn’t so much a widening of the gap between the haves and have nots in terms of things, but of tuning into what we really want to be doing with our time. Learning what our time is worth. Something along the lines of If you are doing what you love, you will never work a day in your life.
Tell me the alternative isn’t some form of master/slave.
In the YouTube video I listened to, Bashar said that some intergalactic folks needed resources on our planet to get their planets out of crisis (like gold) but it wasn’t feasible for them to have to do the mining themselves so they somehow created us to do it for them. I mean, if you are going to buy into conspiracty theories, go big or go home lol.
For all anyone knows this could be true!
It’s so true… part of the reason people aren’t healing is that there is no time to invest in doing so. It’s not just the money, it’s the time and the capacity. For some people, any spare time they have is totally spent being numbed out before they have to jump back on the hamster wheel.
Technological advances are supposed to be part of the next 20 years of Pluto in Aquarius.
Maybe AI will further develop into machines doing all the crappy jobs we don’t feel like investing our lifeforce into, so we can play and rest more, and contribute to society in ways that are aligned with our soul’s purpose.
There are enough resources on the planet for everyone to thrive.
There is lunar eclipse happening on March 25 and apparently energetically it will shed some light on areas where one has adulterated themselves. Where have we been inauthentic because we thought we had to be in order to get our needs met? This is some finite stuff, because we are wired to get our needs met and avoid pain, and then influenced on top of that by societal programming that suggests what is the most “acceptable” ways in which we should go about getting our needs met.
I have a dream of a healing village of sorts, where women can come to reflect. Where they can get adequate rest. No doubt some will sleep for several days before they even come out to see the light of day. A place where all of their needs could be met until they feel able to be a contribution to what it takes to make the village run. That there are plenty of opportunities to play, as well. To learn to connect with their inner guidance. To know when to rest, when to learn, when to work, when to eat and when to play. That they learn what balance means, since the scales had been ever tipped against their favor, they won’t know, trust or believe it is even possible for it to be otherwise. Sure, some women have been taken care of, sort of, but at what cost?
I have a dream of all the women of the village having their own separate little havens. Where they can have the autonomy to learn what is their true selves and what has alternatively been in action or reaction to people places and things outside of themselves. To be guided all the way into the core of who they are and what has been in the way of total fulfillment.
To know all of their needs are met and that this isn’t dependent on how they perform or what they tolerate…but also, they become able to understand, empathize and contribute from their growing capacity rather than just give, give, give or take, take, take without regards to themselves.
The friend I spoke with this week is very knowledgeable about regenerative farming. She had told me before about Polyface Farm but that day, I asked her where it was located. I had really been feeling drawn to be living or working near such a farm. Turns out is in Swoopes, VA, which is less than an hour from where I’ve been feeling drawn to move. I have another friend who I met in Durango, who is now living near Charlottesville, VA, who has a very similar vision to wanting to create a learning community. She first had this vision 40 years ago. I admire that she went there, knowing no one, and has been feeling out the area for the last 2 years and has her eye on some land. I hope to also move in that direction in the next 6 months, at a minimum, I will be visiting in June.
Realizing it is nearing time to move forward in actively brining my dream into fruition brought in some butterflies swirling in my belly. I can envision such a space. I imagined this over a decade before, but I was nowhere near aware of what even needed to be healed inside of me… what stones there were left to overturn… I had more lessons to experience… and the tendency to keep drifting back toward what I already knew … rather than blazing new trails…. Until I realized that every version of what I already knew was never going to result in the freedom my soul knows is possible.
Having had so many deep conversations with some of my dearest friends in the last few weeks also reminded me of how much joy, inspiration and the “aha” moments I get from those conversations.
We are meant to support one another and not compete and tear one another down. From the spark inside of me connecting with the spark inside of you and vice versa. Surely it isn’t our first lifetimes together, but this one I have no doubt, will be the most victorious!
As always, I apologize for any missed typographical or grammatical errors I may have missed. Thank you for being here with me on this journey! I’m sending you boatloads of love and enlightenment!!