I’m not down very often, but when I’m down, I’m way down. But not one single time ever, has it not turned around. And that’s easier to say when you are 57 years old and have bounced back endless amounts of times. It’s not as easy to trust when you are just starting out life as an adult or even mid-adulthood.
I can say the sun has returned every time, and each and every one of those times, I breathe a huge sigh of relief.
And anytime those clouds come back, no matter my attempts to reassure myself, I’m certain they are here to stay.
“Oh shit, this time feels permanent” I say to myself, succumbing to the abyss of darkness.
I can’t imagine times ever being good again.
THEN, thank God, it usually passes within a day or two or sometimes, three, and I’m back to the me I prefer.
To be honest, I have no idea why the heck this happens, but it has happened as long as I can remember.
Maybe it’s hormones, maybe it’s the planets, maybe it’s subconscious thought patterns I don’t catch before it’s too late, maybe it’s the weather, MAYBE it’s just life.
What I have gotten better about, through the decades, is nurturing myself through those days, rather than berating myself, or fearing the worst, or staying too busy so I don’t have time to feel anything, or numbing myself to the stress of it by filling myself with comfort food (though sometimes I do still do this… but in a much more conscious way than I once did in that I’m choosing it vs. it choosing me).
But more and more, it’s making sure I at least acknowledge that it’s temporary. I mean, it has been temporary every single time in the past, so the odds are pretty good it will be temporary each new time, as well.
It has been really hard for me to be anything other than “serious” in my life. I’m just not all that fun. But my saving grace has been in consoling other people. When it comes to other people, I can see, without a doubt, that the sun will come out for them tomorrow. I’m so certain of this, that I can hold space for them to be however they need to be to endure the darkness they are experiencing.
I think it is in doing this, that it also registers somewhere in my subconscious, that the same holds true for me.
Being a lighthouse for people is different than being a lifesaver, the latter of which I once felt more of a compulsion to do, rather than guided to do, and the difference between those two is palpable.
Early in my life, I “decided” that my value was what I could do for others, no doubt fueled by the validation I got from others by doing so.
Interesting thing about the word “decide”. It means to kill off all other choices. Similar to the killing off vibe of homicide, genocide, and even insecticide. No longer is there a spectrum of other possibilities. Boom. It is what it is. My value was nonexistent except for where I could be admired and appreciated by others. If they thought I was good, then I must be.
I now have a practice of pausing to think before any possibility of saying yes where for years it was not even possible for me because yes came out of my mouth before I could even stop it, even though sometimes I would immediately feel sick afterwards. I felt like because I had said yes, I couldn’t retract it afterward, as though that would be unethical to go against having given my word. Eventually it got to a point where I could say “I just said yes, but actually….no”. Now I like to see how it feels in my body BEFORE I say yes or no, because I know my body knows best. I still say yes to plenty of things… but they are the things that feel good. Sometimes I’m not sure. Ideally, I wait until I am sure, but sometimes I say yes and have to retract my yes. A yes is a yes. A no is a no. A maybe is a no… until it might turn into a yes later.
I had an interesting dream this morning and early-on read two posts that fed into the above, which I had started to write last night. There are always messages coming in for us if we are tuned in to hear, see, and feel them.
One of the posts I read this morning was from someone I follow on Facebook, Vito Mucci:
“When we are dependent, even slightly, on external validation, we can attract predators… because they can feed us enough to hook us and then drain us dry. Does this mean we can’t have any need of others? No. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying be aware of the dynamic… that’s how we learn to discern between people who are ‘feeding us a line’ and ‘genuinely seeing value in us’… the discernment usually comes with how they respond when they are inconvenienced by us. Does our value drop for them? Because it shouldn’t.”
Ugh, yes this happened for me with men. I know this is because I felt my father never approved of me when I was a child and my mom never defended me. The reason she didn’t defend me, is that would have left her in his disapproval, and she would never do anything to risk possibly being rejected by him. It was pure subconscious survival, for her and for that of her children.
Regardless of understanding that logically and not wanting to repeat those patterns when I was older, I still ended up reliving some version of that over and over, because the seed planted in me to be that way, was recorded in my mind long before logical thought processes were. I saw this behavior in my entire extended family throughout childhood. However, as an adult, I became more aware of how this wasn’t working for me, and not being willing to continue repeating these patterns, I eventually swore off men altogether until I could figure it out.
That brought its own challenges, which I’m writing about in my book, but ultimately it worked. As a result, the tentacles of this dynamic slowly revealed themselves, allowing me to get to the root of them and sever them once and for all. I will not, would not, could not, be in a dysfunctional relationship with a man ever again. But there was a time, not long ago, when it felt like I couldn’t choose otherwise.
Another post I read this morning on Instagram, was from an amazing woman I follow, whose social media handle is: the.holistic.psychologist:
“Being the ‘the strong one’ is exhausting.
Pretending we’re ok and putting on a façade is what we’re expected to do.
Why sensitivity is actually a gift:
We’ve been told that being strong means denying our pain. We’re expected to push through everything and keep going no matter what. It’s no wonder so many of us are exhausted, burnt out, and dissociated.
Many of us can remember being highly sensitive as children. Feeling everything. And we were met with adults (who were burnt out themselves) telling us ‘It’s not a big deal’ or to ‘not be dramatic.’
Slowly, we detach from our sensitivity. And as we age, we’re rewarded in our culture for it. We can work after betrayal, keep it all together, and put on a happy face. We admire people who can keep going and going, no matter what.
Without understanding that many of these people are deeply suffering behind closed doors. They’re isolated or lonely, in dysfunctional relationships, or caught up in the shame cycle of addiction to numb the pain.
Their bodies are screaming: Stop.
Our sensitivity is a gift. To feel in a world that is so shut down and repressed means we’re still connected to ourselves. To cry when we witness someone’s pain or see something beautiful is the spiritual self, saying: I’m still here.
Being strong actually means we can feel. It means we can be vulnerable enough to show the parts of us that have once been shamed and dismissed. It means that we can ask for help instead of letting our “I can do it all” ego-self take over.
Human beings are meant to feel, not avoid.
Celebrate your sensitivity.”
I highly recommend following: the.holistic.psychologist on Instagram, from which the above quote was taken. So many of her posts speak directly to my soul and offer huge insights. Her real name is Dr. Nicole LePera. I’m also reading her book “How to be the Love You Seek”. I’m only a couple chapters in so far, but I am loving it. She had a PhD in psychology before she began to personally heal, or even realize there was even anything to heal for herself personally in regard to her relationships. She thought it was only everyone else. I love that she is living proof as to what is possible when you become attuned to and get to the roots of your childhood trauma and transform into the person you were born to be without the cPTSD (childhood post traumatic stress disorder) dragging you down.
For me, I had a huge realization that I was continuously in relationships with men who only respected me when I was doing things for them. And since my internal value system was that extreme competence was my best, if not only, attribute, I was always doing things for them. I had to always be “attractive” otherwise I was at risk of being rejected. And I don’t just mean attractive by externally “looking” a certain way, especially since I never thought I looked “good enough”. However, I do know it was especially because I didn’t think I was physically attractive enough, that I jumped through as many hoops as I did to “perform” by being both “mentally and emotionally attractive”.
All of the men I was in relationships with had very heightened reactions when I was anything other than “pleasant”. They were attracted to my seeming happiness to be doing anything they wanted to do and never asking them to do anything they didn’t want to do. I avoided getting them “annoyed” by disagreeing or by asking for too much. Depending on the men, and their own unhealed childhood wounding, was how they would react, but it was some version of “women are crazy and not worth the effort” boom #2 …rejection on the horizon. I was always “nice”, so much so that I was completely dissociated from my own feelings and instead frozen in a “nice” response so as not to escalate the situation. Always more attuned with their childhood wounding, and wanting for them to heal, I was enabling their poor behavior, always to my own detriment.
I was an emotional monitor. Thankfully, my brain no longer kicks out the “feel bad” hormones in response to another’s reaction, which then used to trigger me scrambling in ways that would trigger “feel good” hormones, in all the “quasi “feel good ways”, to compensate. By quasi feel good ways, I mean those that result in instant, short term gratification (think addictions) rather than those that result in long term fulfillment or true peace of mind.
It’s not that I actually truly believe I’m responsible for whatever happened to make a man angry, but from childhood, I was used to that resulting anger being directed toward me, sometimes for no other reason than being the person in the room (and of course that I had historically accepted the role of emotional punching bag long into later life).
I understand this on a deeper level now too, because if something bad happens, and someone is feeling angry, that energy does gravitate out over everything in their path that they are dissatisfied with.
It’s part of why arguments can escalate so easily into dumping everything that ever annoyed you about a person, that you had failed to resolve along the way, once the pandora’s box (and the anger nerve) is opened for clearing. I’m certainly not immune to my own anger and have also experienced this from the giving end and not just the receiving, mostly, with people whom I no longer cared if they left, but unfortunately also with my mom and children on occasion... people I innately felt would never leave me regardless. Thankfully, I had the capacity to clean up my behavior, after the fact.
I am almost always reading the people around me as to what their emotional states might be. I have found safety and comfort in connecting with people, in hopes of tempering situations. Regardless of if it isn’t personal or not, I can get swept up when being in the range of other people’s anger. It feels personal even if I have nothing to do with what triggered it.
Mostly now I get the hell out of dodge and let them deal with their own anger, rather than staying in the discomfort of it. However, if they wanted me to stay, and they were able to get their shit together enough to be emotionally responsible about it, I’d be happy to contribute in any way I could…but also I’d feel safe to, since I’d have gotten reassurance that they are aware of the emotions they are in and not just out of control, puking them onto me. This is totally different then scrambling for what to do so the discomfort goes away.
As a child I didn’t have a choice but to stay and absorb it. Earlier in adulthood, I would stay because it didn’t occur to me to leave. I would stay there, suffocating in discomfort, because I was accustomed to feeling bad around angry people (i.e. my dad).
After doing a lot of self-improvement work, I graduated to trying to fix other people’s situations by offering possible solutions or positive anecdotes. I’ve heard it said before, especially by chronically angry people, that such “solutions” weren’t asked for. Yeah, well, neither was being victimized by your emotional vomit, yet here we are. However, I understand most people, including myself, don’t appreciate trying to be “fixed” especially in the heat of the moment. But also, I now know well enough that most people don’t want to change and likely never will, regardless of me hoping, for their sake and mine, that they will. Now, I’m more than happy to take my energy elsewhere.
According to Dr. Nicole LePera, listed below in bold print, are some signs that you might be emotionally monitoring are:
· Constantly asking someone if they are upset, even if they say they are not (especially if it seems like they are, because while it isn’t your responsibility, it feels like it is). Also, if you are compelled to ask, being an empath, you are probably right that they are, but if they don’t have the emotional maturity to work it out with you, they truly don’t value your relationship enough to care and you are quite possibly better off getting that person out of your life.
· Having extreme anxiety when someone you love is upset or hurting. This is a big one for me. I literally feel like I’m dying when either of my daughters is hurting.
· Constant focus on the mood shifts of others. I can feel this as literally as when the wind is blowing. I’m glad I do notice the moods of those around me, but I’m even more glad that I don’t let it affect me the way I once did.
· Feeling like your role is to cheer someone up at all times. I’ve gotten a lot better at checking in to see if I’m doing this for the sake of someone else or to quell my own uneasiness, which are two totally different energies. Some people (my ex-husband) will never do anything to change his own emotional state and instead mopes around with a black cloud over his head expecting you to read his mind and do whatever it is he thinks you are supposed to do to make him feel better. No doubt this stems from childhood trauma, but by 59 years old, it is exhausting to know nothing has yet changed and likely never will. In his case, I often will remedy the situation, but the difference is I am no longer emotionally compelled to do so, but rather will do so for my own (or my daughters) relief in the situations we have chosen to be part of.
· Replaying social interactions over and over again in your mind. I used to spend the majority of my life doing this. It took a long time for me to realize this had a lot to do with forcing myself to be in social situations that I didn’t really feel comfortable or enjoy being in, but felt somehow obligated to be in. Now you will unlikely ever find me in a social situation that I don’t want to be in, unless I had an aha moment while there, and haven’t yet figured out how to escape.
· Chronic apologizing. I still do this, though it’s shifted dramatically. I think it’s more a matter of having said “I’m sorry” so many times, that my brain spits it out without even thinking. A noticeable difference is that I am no longer saying it because I feel bad for getting in someone’s way, but rather just because it fell out of my mouth. Hopefully, soon, I will only say it when I mean it. I often am sorry that someone is feeling the way they are, but I’m equally relieved that my mind doesn’t go into a schism as to how to fix it for them, but rather am able to give them space for it to resolve on it’s own.
I woke up this morning to a dream, most of which I don’t remember, but at the very end, I plugged in a string of Christmas lights, and they all lit up. Anyone who has hung Christmas lights has probably felt the relief of all the lights turning on vs. the dread when one strand doesn’t. I think they have improved dramatically, in quality, over the years, but I remember back in the day when you wouldn’t know which of the connecting strands was the culprit. If one interconnected strand didn’t work, it would cause all the other strands to not work either. Once you took them all apart and narrowed it down by plugging each one in individually, you would then take the non-working strand and try to figure out which lightbulb was burnt out by taking each and every one out of its socket one by one, replacing it with a good bulb, until you finally hit on the right one and the entire strand would light up. God forbid there were two bulbs out. You might as well throw that strand away because chances are you would never figure it out.
I spent a few minutes this morning dwelling on that dream. I felt it was a sign. A good sign. That all my circuits were good AND that all there ever is to do, for anyone, is to figure out which one isn’t sparking. It’s a matter of replacing old patterns with new ones. And that starts with identifying the ones that aren’t working out for you.
Sometimes our strands of lights are a big old, tangled mess and we can’t even figure out where to start.
Three months after my divorce was final, having lived in my new house for about 8 months, I remember a time when I was going non-stop, on all 4 cylinders, for months. I was trying to work as much as possible, even making up hours by working late on the one and only night a week that my ex had the girls for a couple of hours and would take them out for dinner. I was burning the candle at both ends trying to make the house perfect both inside and out. I was trying to be emotionally strong for the girls, as though nothing at all had changed. I was not taking one single minute for myself.
Then one day I heard the words “Slow the Fuck Down” and it wouldn’t stop being repeated. It wasn’t a thought I was having, but rather it was coming from deep within my soul and it meant business. I heard it over and over again. It was firm, it was loud, it was said until I actually did stop and contemplate it.
I knew it was a warning. It was also my deepest wish. I didn’t know how to slow down. I thought surely I would drown in the quicksand that always seemed to be creeping up on me if I dared slow down.
But I did slow down. And my life changed in ways I could have never possibly imagined.
It eventually led me to move 1,700 miles away with my daughters, where we had initially not known a single soul.
But there, over time, I let many of those old patterns creep back in, but ultimately reclaimed the whole of me once and for all.
Those old patterns had crept back in because I had not entirely cleared them out but had only learned new ways to operate despite them. I look at it now as a final clearing stage.
It was also here that I gained some amazing friendships that I am sure I will keep for the rest of my life.
It recently crossed my mind that with all my talk of emotional monitoring and chameleon-ing myself into who others needed me to be, might make some people think I’ve been inauthentic with them. However, the ability to get close to people… to really know them… also afforded me the opportunity to know people at a deeper level and once I know someone’s soul, it is hard to leave them. I realized the difference is that those I still call my friends have seen my soul as well.
This hasn’t happened with most of the men that have been in my life, because not only did they never see my soul, but they also didn’t want to. Some of them pretended to, but that was only to get what they wanted from me. I also don’t think they knew how to, but again, that isn’t my (or any woman’s) problem to fix. At some point, in order to change the dynamics in their relationships, they are going to have to start by actually wanting to.
A lot of men don’t know how to show up for each other (as men), much less for a woman. A lot of men don’t even have friends, other than people they superficially talk sports with. So many of their relationships exist at the surface.
Most men haven’t had to do the amount of inner personal work that women have. And the few I believe have almost seem to lord it over women as though they are someone women can learn from. But there is no escaping it. Men are going to have to do their inner work to evolve.
However, I don’t think they are going to do it while there are women left willing to rescue them, because why should they when women consistently show up and mutate to accommodate them, so they don’t have to. However, the tides are turning, and more and more women are healing the insecurities that made them willing to be doormats, which is ultimately going to have them opt out, leaving men alone to finally face their issues of entitlement.
You know I can’t leave this week’s article without a mention of the planetary activity in our solar system at this point in time.
For one thing, I’ve heard the solar eclipse coming up on April 8 is being compared to the story (in the Hebrew Bible) of the prophet Jonah and the whale.
I had to look up this story because I wasn’t familiar with it. According to what I read, God wanted Jonah to preach repentance to the citizens of the city of Nineveh, but Jonah didn’t want to (because of Nineveh’s wicked ways to those in Israel, where he was from). Long story, short, he ran the opposite way of the Lord, but this ultimately resulted in him getting swallowed by a big fish (presumably a whale) giving him 3 days to contemplate his ways and repent. Thereafter, God gives him a second chance so he goes to tell Nineveh if they don’t repent, their city will be destroyed in 40 days. Because they also repent, the city isn’t destroyed, which makes Jonah mad at God for sparing Israel’s enemies. Afterward, Jonah stops outside the city to rest, and God provides a vine to shelter him from the hot sun. But the next day, God sends a worm to eat the vine. Jonah goes from finding comfort in the vine to being angry it was taken away. God scolds Jonah for being concerned only about the loss of the vine and his own likely demise from losing the protection from the hot sun, yet not able to understand why God was concerned about 120,000 people who died in Nineveh because of the fighting.
So how could this relate to people of today? Is there somewhere you are defying God? That question came from the LearnReligions.com website where I got the information to summarize the story above.
In my interpretation, I would say, “Where are you defying your deeper self?”, since I believe God/source/universe… whatever you want to call it, is individually present in each of us through our souls and rationalizing it? Where are you not doing your inner work? But that is just my take on it. I feel like God’s questions to Jonah were asking him to look deeper inside and see what he couldn’t otherwise understand.
At first I couldn’t figure out how the heck this upcoming solar eclipse specifically related to the bible story, but then I figured out It is widely believed that any full solar eclipse (where the sun/light is essentially swallowed by the moon) is reminiscent of the story of Jonah. Man being swallowed up by that which is unconscious, where he is given a second chance if he dwells on it and repents. How I interpret repentance, is how he/she works to resolve those things that are making him/her other than aligned with a higher path rather than weighed down by that which they were formerly not aware of.
EVOLVE or stay in some version of own personal hell on earth. If nothing else, becoming more aware of what has made you who you are, potentially getting in the way of your humanity. After the enlightening of which, makes you more able to have compassion for yourself and others. More able to contribute to transforming the world from its current state, even if only as a result of your expanded state of mind.
I’d heard several astrologers say the United States has seven towns named Nineveh all of them will fall in the path of totality (meaning from those places, one could see the sun fully obstructed by the moon) during the April 8th eclipse. However, according to Snopes.com, there are only 6 places (on the map) named Nineveh in the U.S., 3 of which are townships (1 in Indiana and 2 in Missouri) and 3 are cities (1 in New York, 1 in Pennsylvania and 1 in Virginia). Of the 6, only one of the townships (in Indiana just south of Indianapolis) falls under the path of totality.
There are apparently 2 other Nineveh’s not found on any official maps, one in Texas and one in Ohio, the latter of which would be a second Nineveh under the path of totality, 30 minutes northwest of Dayton.
Some Christian groups think that is a bad omen, and according to Snopes, it was primarily Christians that started the “7 cities being affected” rumor, but regardless, as far as I can tell, things worked out pretty okay for Jonah, considering his enlightenment and all… provided he saw enlightenment as a good thing.
FYI it’s only safe to look directly at a total eclipse if you are in the shadow of the moon, meaning you can’t see any of the sun. The above map shows this path of totality where many people around the world will travel to in order to see it. If you are anywhere from where it is only visible to see part of the sun (like a bite is taken out of it) then it is not safe to look at it directly, but rather would need to view it with special eclipse glasses or in the reflection of a puddle or some other way. I guess if you consider that the entire continental U.S. (and some parts of Mexico and Canada) will be able to see a partial view of the eclipse, then I guess you can say all of the Ninevahs are subject to being exposed to the eclipse.
Who knows. I’m just rambling. But also, these are the kinds of things I think about. However, I mean no disrespect if I’m getting any parts of the biblical part incorrect. I just believe interpretations can get misconstrued through the ages, and it’s worth contemplating what it could all mean in the times of now. Personally, I don’t think anything in particular is going to happen to the Ninevahs of the United States, but nincompoops, on the other hand…
Also, apparently there is some significance to the fact that the last total eclipse was in August 2017. Astrologers say that this almost 7-year period of time (from last total eclipse to this total eclipse) marks a period worth looking back at.
Very interestingly, for me, the last 7 years did include significant lessons where it became obvious what there was still left for me to resolve in my dysfunctional relationship dynamics with men. Huge relationship lessons, that started 7 years ago, when I thought I had evolved, but where I instead discovered I was still operating on top of deep wounding, which I have since resolved…especially over the last 18 months.
What were you doing in August 2017 that might have marked the beginning of the lessons of the last 7 years? But also, rejoice in the fact that this chapter is now closed and you will have a renewed sense of self after this upcoming eclipse… that will continue to reveal itself over the course of the next 12 months.
I truly believe that Astrology (the mix of planets, stars, constellations, etc.) is God’s way of communicating in quite possibly, the only way that cannot be sabotaged by agendas. Nobody can change what is happening in the formation of the solar system to get us to believe in a way that benefits their agendas.
I can’t help but doubt the sanctity of the bible when I see it being used as a weapon (or shield) by people leading (and filling up) the churches. Knowing humanity, and the amassed consequences of personal greed, it’s very hard for me to believe that somehow God’s words were the one thing upheld as sacred and without manipulation along the way.
A huge gift of my youth is I was allowed to go to so many different people’s churches. The thing I saw that was the common factor between religious sects was that they all thought their way was the best/right/only way and everyone else was inferior (and going to hell). And this was just among the various “Christian” faiths.
Even growing up as a Catholic I remember thinking I just don’t believe that us select group of folks got the right info and everyone else either needs to fall into alignment or they are doomed.
If there were, in fact, “rules” written by God, then they were intended for all humanity… and being that we have a spark of God in each and every one of us… I believe he/she/they would have made it possible for us to also be able to interpret those rules without the help of a middleman.
Sure, there are middlemen and women in astrology, but there is an unmistakable consistency amongst them. And they are basing their interpretations on 1000s of years of observations of things that happened during certain astrological configurations… or consistencies among the examined astrology charts of individuals.
Astrology can tell one so much about their life path, personality, strengths, weaknesses, and challenges. I don’t believe any of us were randomly born, but rather that we came here as spiritual beings to have a human experience and that our personal astrology was intended as a guide to help us along our path… in ways that we perhaps wanted to be challenged to overcome… so we could ultimately contribute to humanity at large.
I can’t imagine what it would be like if parents were aware of their children’s astrological charts from the time they were born, and used them to guide them on their path, rather than the typical discontent when a child is not developing in the preconceived notions of the way he/she/they should… subject to the stereotypical, cookie cutter “norms”. It makes total sense that we are supposed to differ from one another more than we are supposed to be the same.
What would the world be like if we were actually all exactly the same? What would even be the point? I believe in a future where we can all be different, yet coexist in peace.
Astrology being stricken from the bible as a personal guide/connection to one’s divine purpose, would be the perfect example of something I think “man” would have done because he couldn’t profit/control if we could merely look to the sky for guidance.
It is rather interesting that people look to the sky/heavens when praying to God. Why don’t we look at the ground? Or to the left? Are we possibly divinely imprinted with the knowing the sky is the direction to look? Why is the bible full of references to the stars, yet we aren’t supposed to consider them on our own?
For instance, in his book “The Star of Bethlehem”, Astronomer Michael Molnar suggests that the bright light the 3 wise men followed was actually a conjunction of the celestial bodies of Jupiter, Saturn, the moon and the sun all being (interestingly enough) in the constellation of Aries on April 17, 6 B.C. Here we are again in with a bunch of planets conjunct in the constellation of Aries in April.
I don’t mean to blatantly disregard what it is written in the bible, but I’ve always been a questioner of that which doesn’t make sense… a truth seeker… in search of deeper understanding of so many things… and it might be helpful for anyone who wants to reconcile, for themselves, a deeper meaning of things, to consider that it isn’t being an “anti-christ” to consult the stars.
I recently came across a book by the name of “Mystery of the Mazzaroth” by Tim Warner, that reviews all of the places in the bible where people looked for meaning in the stars.
Here is what the back cover says:
“The twelve signs of the Zodiac are as old as civilization itself. Yet their origin has puzzled historians. The Bible attributes the “Mazzaroth” (12 signs of the Zodiac) to God. King David wrote that a special Divine message has been heralded to all people, of every language, in the sky – as the sun moves through the twelve ‘tabernacles’.
MYSTERY of the MAZZAROTH decodes the pictorial meaning of the Zodiac, showing that it contains the same language of prophetic symbols found in the Bible. The Mazzaroth and the Bible contain the same prophetic story – Israel’s history written in advance. This story begins with God’s covenant with Abraham and ends with its ultimate fulfillment – the Messiah’s Kingdom.
Never before has the sequence of Zodiac signs been understood in light of Bible prophecy. This book will open your eyes to a powerful reason to believe that God exists, and that the Creator is the same God who appeared to Abraham.”
As a side note, the bible makes it clear we aren’t supposed to mess with Jerusulum (God’s land). And not coming to their defense (probably because there isn’t any resources that we know of to snatch up there for our own use) probably falls under messing with Jerusulum. Also, I can’t help but wonder if God’s land isn’t representative of all land…and hoarding it and putting a price on it and not allowing for some people to have any land at all anywhere in the world… isn’t a greater interpretation of that which was declared for Jerusulum.
And if nothing else, there is this to say about astrology…
Here is a tad bit more about the current goings-on in the astrology…
Per Astologyhub.com: Eclipses are gateways of change. They hold the extraordinary power to shift the tides of our lives, at lightning speed – bringing endings and beginnings all at once. It’s not a great use of astrology to be scared, however, being prepared (by understanding how to make use of the energy) is the difference between riding the cosmic wave and being pummeled by it.
A particularly rare phenomenon… “is that this eclipse also marks the closure of 19-year cycle.” To be honest, I’m not exactly sure why that is, but apparently now is also a good time to take stock of that period, with the most prevalent themes: what you’re leaving behind and what you might want to bring in (or maybe more aptly said, what is now possible to bring in) as a result of that reflection.
For me, looking back to 2005, just about 18-1/2 years ago, I was just starting to notice the cracks appearing in what was supposed to be my happily ever after. My oldest daughter was 3 and my youngest was 1, and for the first time I was bowing under the pressure of having to do “pretty.much.every.damn.thing.myself”.
For the very first time in the 22 years of having known my now ex-husband by that point, I completely lost my shit. Prior to that, I had never had anything but a happy “it’s fine/I’m fine” face, for the whole 22 years, completely oblivious to a variety of earlier red flags. While it took another 7 years before my marriage would dissolve in divorce, 2005 marked the beginning of the end.
If I’m leaving anything behind from that period of time, it is knowing that I didn’t just survive the period thereafter, I thrived. I did the best I could, and it was enough. While experiencing many ups and downs, I ultimately did meet my true self, even if I am still in the beginning of truly stepping into that which is her.
Lunar eclipses offer a profound journey into realms of relationships and introspection. Last month, on March 25 we experienced the lunar eclipse in Libra. Libra reigns supreme as the sign of partnership balance and harmony, which invited us to explore the intricate dance of give-and-take within our relationships—to cast our gaze backwards to the last lunar eclipse/total solar eclipse that occurred in August 2017.
FOR ME… my last 6-1/2 years of relationships were all give…with little in return.
The rest is a little more complicated. I ignored astrology’s depths for a long time, because all of the terminology just made my head spin. But lately, I’ve been making an effort to at least try to understand the 12 houses and signs.
The fact that the upcoming Solar eclipse in Aries is joined by Chiron, apparently propels us towards new beginnings and unchartered territories of self-discovery.
Chiron is considered the (wounded) healer. If you run your natal chart (where the planets were at the time of your birth…most accurate if you know the exact time you were born) then you can see which 1 of your 12 houses is affected by Chiron, meaning the area of your life where your wounding has caused the most delay. For me, interestingly, it is in the 10th house (of social status, career, reputation, vocational purpose, taking power, public speaking).
If you’ve been reading my writings for a while, you could see how I pursed social acceptance, including career choices, from my wounding, and not from knowing where I would be more aligned… and yet here I am, finally aligning at 57 years old.
Mercury is also in retrograde (meaning it appears to be traveling in reverse of the direction it normally travels in), so that results in us feeling torn between Aries drive for action and Mercury’s call for introspection. Like putting the gas pedal and brake pedals down at the same time. So, while Aries is a fire sign and wants to burn full speed ahead, Mercury is saying “slow down” and let it unfold.
It is very important to nurture yourself/selfcare during this period of time, especially to be able to wrap your mind around how it all plays out.
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Something worth noting about Aries (since this is the constellation where so many planets are bunched up in during April). If you have your birth chart, whichever one of the 12 houses that Aries appears in, is likely to be the area of your life most affected in April.
For me, Aries is in the 11th house (of friends, groups, goals & aspirations, hopes and wishes). I could win the lottery and get to work on starting the healing community I aspire to. Not to worry, though, I will still write my weekly blog
Bottom line for April: STEP BOLDLY INTO THIS TIME AND GET READY TO REALIGN YOUR LIFE WITH A MORE AUTHENTIC EXPRESSION OF YOUR SOUL.
Speaking of new beginnings, something new is on the horizon in terms of my blog.
I recently discovered that it is likely possible for me to do audio recordings of my weekly articles. I know how challenging it is to find time to actually read anything these days, but it is a lot easier to find time to listen. I love to listen to a variety of things while I’m cooking, driving, or even getting ready in the mornings. I would love to offer this as an alternative to reading my weekly blog, but I’m a little worried about the amount of time it takes to write, loosely proofread, and to now read it again for the purpose of recording it. But I aim to try, with a goal of researching further and starting this sometime in May.
My cousin, Kristy, recently told me that she loves to listen to the few videos I made because the sound of my voice helps her fall asleep, so if nothing else you have that to look forward to if you struggle with insomnia! I love Kristy, and am happy if I can help her get some much needed sleep, as she is a chronic cPTSD, over-doer like myself.
For now, as always, I so appreciate you being here to read my words. I do apologize for any typos or grammatical errors I may have missed!
Until next week, xoxoxoxoxoxo
Your voice is very soothing. Love you!!